Inventory: Taking Inventory

Pictured above: Meta Inventory

This morning I sewed Android's pants with my precious 1890 sewing machine. I think they should last him for another 2.3 years at least. I had to tighten the leather belt-driver, and got the metal piece jammed under my thumb trying to dislodge it. I even did some preventative medicine, namely in the crotch and the cell-phone wearage areas. I sat and mended parts he didn't even know were broken yet so that he had to wait around without pants in my room longer.

Inventory of Reasons:

1. I carried TWENTY pounds of (intact) watermelon up the stairs in ONE HUNDRED degrees of Brooklyn Heat yesterday and posted a drawing on it and a BLACK satin ribbon with a secret note for his head to feel better. I drew his head wearing spiked welding goggles too and gave him extra hair.

2. I will never gain TWENTY pounds because that is a lot of extra weight to carry around in ONE HUNDRED degree weather.

3. I gave him a pedicure on his big Bear paws and even ceremoniously BUFFED and lacquered his toes with a clear coat (unsolicited but he had fallen asleep)

4. I sewed his pants on my ONE HUNDRED plus year old machine and drove a sharp piece of metal halfway under my thumbnail and did not cry (with tears)

5. I cut his fingernails.

More interesting things I've inventoried: (Taking Inventory)

1. Bird Drawing

2. SPF

3. Lab Partners

4. Table Salt

5. Sponge

6. Scrub Brush

7. Pumice Stone

8. Body Wash

9. Bleach

10. Razor Blade

11. Big Syringe

12. Ice Cubes

13. Happy Pills

14. Face Cream

15. Cell Phone

16. Fancy Scissors

17. Wenny Feather

18. Love Note

19. Candy Stash

20. Metro Card.

The inventory above happens in that order for a reason. The sewing machine orders the meta-inventory to illustrate another reason. The toenail-cutting inventory illustrates the obsessive-compulsive need to put one's skin and skin-pieces is order. When one's skin and skin-pieces are already in order, it is necessary to torment the males species' in immediate proximity to the point of exhaustion so that one does not "over-order" one's own pieces to the point of shredded pieces and subsequent malorder.